Saturday, April 3, 2010

Ch-ch-changes

Lady V here...

Wow, it's been over 3 months since I've updated. That usually happens with me and journals. However, I plan on looking back on this in 10 years and either laughing at myself, or wishing to be back in this situation, or learning from my mistakes, so I plan to follow through

Things took a turn very quickly (not sure if for the better or for the worse yet) these past few months and I've been working on getting my mind and life straight.

things that matter, in pretty much chronological order:

In February, I started the planning process for a large scale event in celebration of my Alma Mater's 75th Anniversary. It has now turned into an outdoor music festival and fair with a very nice budget. I'm acting as a mentor to the current members, as they will be doing the contract work, as I...well I'm not quite sure what I'll be doing yet. I am so excited to move forward with this and help to create a memorable event for thousands of people.

I also attended a conference for my job in February. It took place in Boston and was so much fun! I got to meet a lot of great people and got my feet wet in the industry. We had an artist showcase, and she was amazing! We had a ton of students and administration at the booth after her performance and about 15 schools that showed interest in booking her. I did my thing as I spoke to a lot of great university programmers, some of who told me how good I was at this job and how I was meant to do it.

So, I come back to the office after and received a "can you come in my office?..." IM from my boss. Now, I thought we were going to talk about the upcoming conference. At this time, he was unsure as to whether he was going to send me or not. Instead, I was told that I was being taken off of the College Booking Division because our artists did not bring in as many requests as he believed it would have taken to decide to keep me. There didn't seem to be enough work coming into the office for two people. He wasn't unhappy with me and offered me the opportunity to go in another direction with the company. One thing he mentioned was the Festival market. This was something that we had spoken about in supplement to my college booking. In the end, there was nothing that I felt existed that would make as much money as quickly, not take as much money to start up and that I would be as passionate about as the college work. I decided to move on from the company.

However, that same day, my ex-employer (where I was laid off in May) reached out to me for some part time, temp work. I would be working on cleaning up multiple databases and helping the organization merge everything into a Super Database. Of course I took it! I've been there for about a month and I love it :)

I've also decided to go back to school and get my Masters. I am applying to Higher Education programs. Through all of my experience, I've found myself most happy while programming in the college environment, both while in and out of college, so I'm listening to my heart and opening to make it a career. Wish me luck!!

In between all of this, I went to Puerto Rico with 4 amazing friends. This is my 3rd time vacationing there and every single time, I try to figure out a possible way to live there for the rest of my life. I can never come up with a really good reason to not follow through.

I'll leave you with my #1 reason everyone should do it:



Wednesday, January 27, 2010

love love love....I want your love

Lady V here...

This upcoming March, it will be 1 year of being single.


For a while there I didn't quite feel single, as I was still talking to and hanging out with my ex and couldn't get away from feeling attached to him. The situation has gotten much better, as in I don't feel like his girlfriend anymore. The natural feeling of love I have for him will always be there though; I want the best for him, I want him to succeed and do something that he loves, I want him to find the right kind of love that will encourage him to be the best possible person for himself and for his significant other. I have accepted, as hard as it was, that that person is not and probably never will be me.

And I want to get away from thinking about the opposite sex in an emotional way. I was so used to being someone's girlfriend, where my thoughts constantly focused on how they were doing and what I could do for them and how I can still live my life and be a good girlfriend. After almost 4 years of doing that and somewhat feeling like his thoughts and efforts didn't quite match mine, I had this feeling of "fuck guys. I want to worry about myself and that's it. Who knows when I'll get the chance to only be responsible for only myself ever again in my life."

But why is it so hard? I know I'm allowed to miss someone or care about someone, but I can't keep doing this when the someone or someones are completely wrong for me and there is no chance of it becoming anything more.

So then I think, well maybe I need myself a new man? and then I'm back to thinking about someone else and not just me...grrrrrrr