love love love....I want your love

Lady V here...

This upcoming March, it will be 1 year of being single.

For a while there I didn't quite feel single, as I was still talking to and hanging out with my ex and couldn't get away from feeling attached to him. The situation has gotten much better, as in I don't feel like his girlfriend anymore. The natural feeling of love I have for him will always be there though; I want the best for him, I want him to succeed and do something that he loves, I want him to find the right kind of love that will encourage him to be the best possible person for himself and for his significant other. I have accepted, as hard as it was, that that person is not and probably never will be me.

And I want to get away from thinking about the opposite sex in an emotional way. I was so used to being someone's girlfriend, where my thoughts constantly focused on how they were doing and what I could do for them and how I can still live my life and be a good girlfriend. After almost 4 years of doing that and somewhat feeling like his thoughts and efforts didn't quite match mine, I had this feeling of "fuck guys. I want to worry about myself and that's it. Who knows when I'll get the chance to only be responsible for only myself ever again in my life."

But why is it so hard? I know I'm allowed to miss someone or care about someone, but I can't keep doing this when the someone or someones are completely wrong for me and there is no chance of it becoming anything more.

So then I think, well maybe I need myself a new man? and then I'm back to thinking about someone else and not just me...grrrrrrr